Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Really Struck my Chord!

This past Sunday at church I was hit right between the eyes with a message I needed. My husband and I rarely have an argument but we did have a rather heated discussion this week and Sunday's message went right along with it.

We are to Celebrate the differences in our marriage. There was an analogy used that Men are like waffles and Women are like spaghetti. Waffles are rigid and fit into a single box (issue) at a time. Whether the box is fixed or not, waffles can move on to the next box. Spaghetti, on the other hand, isn't rigid and it intertwines with other noodles. The analogy illustrates that men are able to move on if they can't fix a problem but for women everything is related to everything else in some way. Of course these are generalizations and not standard for every person, but God hardwired men and women differently for a reason.

Gender Differences + Personality Differences +Life = Conflict
Marital Conflict Myths
1. Good Marriages don't have Struggles
2. Conflict hurts a good Marriage
*Allow God to use differences to settle conflict in a healthy way.
*When you deal with conflict properly, it can create a greater sense of intimacy.
*Perspective on Communication differs
-Men converse to address a situation
-Women converse to connect with others
Communication Blockers
Communication is more than just the words you are saying. Some stats break communication down like this:
7% Words
35% Tones
58% Non verbal cues
Here are some things that count as Communication Blockers:
*Rolling Eyes
*Sighing Deeply
*Not stopping what your doing to listen
*No eye contact
*Using the time someone else is talking to think about what you are going to say (I am so guilty with this one)
*Stopping Listening
*Becoming Defensive or Angry
*Interrupting Partner
Ephesians 4 has something to say about communication
"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body." (V. 25)
*We are to be honest and speak the truth in love.
"In your anger do not sin; Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." (V. 26-27)
*Anger is not a sin but a human emotion. It is what you do with it that determines if it is a sin. *Anger has the ability to be positive if you use it as motivation to do good.
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (V. 29)
*Just because you feel badly and apologize does not undo the damage done by words.
*As a Christian you should expect growth in tongue control.
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you." (V. 31-32)
Key Points
1. Make it your goal to Resolve conflict not to "win" an argument.
2. Choose your words carefully.
3. Don't bring up the past. (This here is the problem I have. I have a database in my head that hangs on to everything said or done. This is not healthy)
4. Don't be a Mind-Reader.
*Don't assume their motivation behind words or actions.
5. Be quick to forgive. (This is another one I have an issue with)
I know we are all a work in progress but we should all be striving to grow and learn to better handle conflict especially in the context of marriage. I thank Pastor Dave for this sermon, it is really something I need to work on because I am totally a Professional Mind-Reader (or I like to think I know what the other person is really thinking). I love my family and want to set healthy examples for children to follow! Have a wonderful Day!


  1. I really liked the information given. Everyone struggles with different things. I tend to "listen" while I do other things. You know multi-task! :) sometime s it is ok but other times I'm thinking other things while he is talking. Communication is key, even if it isn't words like you said. Sometimes just snuggling on the couch is communication enough...It will be nice to go back and read your entry again and again.

  2. do u mind if I copy some of this to my blog for others to read?


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